Archive for October, 2009

Explanations…
October 30, 2009

Didn’t feel like getting up, can’t get to school on time, you’re late. It sucks. Sound familiar?

How do you explain why you’re late?

The Losercorns are here to help you out of these annoying situations!

Here are some things to tell your teacher to explain why you are late!

“I was abducted by aliens for experimental purposes. I have been gone for fifty years, but fortunately in earth time it was only (insert how late you were here.)”

“I was helping Little Bo Peep find her sheep!”

“My parents lost the keys to my cage.”

“I’m not late- everyone else is early!”

“I’m afraid I cannot tell you why I am late. The government has sworn me to secrecy.”

These excuses will work 1 out of 782 times! Those are pretty good odds! =D

What excuses do you have?

 -The Losercorns

Care of Unique Magical Creatures III
October 30, 2009

Hello!

This is once again Lorkin and Lysander bringing you the best of the best magical unique care creatures of!

Seriously, though (heehee).

Today is the day before Halloween, so it is important to cover an appropriate topic. We are going to learn about the terribly ravenous Tac, which is similar to the neighborly Tac living next door and a couple blocks down. Next lesson we will be learning about a similar subject that we can not explain about until you learn about the Ravenous Tac.

Alrighty!

Some creatures may have different visible forms. The Thestral is invisible to most people. The Thestral can look like a column of flame when it gets really excited. In fact, lots of buildings look like absolutely nothing when viewed by a Muggle.

There are also creatures that can change theirselves physically and in appearance. However, their base minds and instincts can remain the same.

The Tac is one of these creatures. The Tac usually looks like this:

Yes, it looks like a cat. This one is rather bemused at the fact that it is getting its picture taken by a real wizard, yet the wizard still wishes for the Tac to remain in cat form.

When a tac wants to, it looks like this:

See full size image

Or sometimes just like this:

Anyway, every Tac has to follow the Law of the Tac. If they do not follow this rule, then they lose all of their magical cat and magical human powers and become a muggle with no memories of ever being a Tac.

Yes, Tacs are always wizards in human form. This is the difference between them and cats who have a transfiguring flippy sort of spell on them. That type of cat also becomes very dull and thick for no reason.

Tacs are very clever and there has only been a few Tacs that have ever been turned into muggles.

The Law of the Tacs states a few rules:

1. A Tac cannot purposely be seen morphing by a nont (non Tac)

2.A Tac cannot tell any nont about its real identity.

3.A Tac cannot tell a nont any secrets known only to one species (cats, tacs, humans)

4.If a Tac is captured by an agent of evil it has every right to claw their face.

 

That is the simplified version that we managed to scratch together. ….

The most unique thing about tacs is that while in human form, they can layer on some cat (whiskers, fur, eyes, nose, teeth, claws, etc) at any time they want. If they were in the north pole and needed a human body to be available costantly (Full morph takes about 30 seconds or so), and it was dark at night and REALLY cold and you were stuck in a crack of solid ice, you could get a cat collarbones to squeeze through the ice, eyes for the dark, fur, etc.

OK!

That’ll be the end of part 1 of the study of Tacs, tune in soon for part 2, and then the mystery section!!!

SAVE THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST TREE OCTOPUS!!!
October 26, 2009

Tree octopuses (or octopi, it doesn’t matter. You can call them fluxlons if you really want to!) are, as the name leads you to believe, octopuses that live in trees. A couple of their natural predators include bald eagles and sasquatches.  Tree octopuses are unfortunatly EXTREMELY endangered!!!!! The govenment doesn’t acknowledge this for some reason. (way to go government… =P)

We Losercorns would like you to encourage you to visit this website: http://zapatopi.net/treeoctopus/ to learn more about these interesting creatures! And to help, you can take part in the Trick Or Treat For Tree Octopus program! Print off your own ToTFTO box and this Saturday (Halloween! Yay! Losercorns happy!) trick or treat as you normally would, however, say “Trick or Treat For Tree Octopus!” Note that the ever-astounding mollusk’s favorite treats are candy corn and shrimp! When you collect enough stuff to make a tree octopus happy, go to the nearest forest and hang the box on a fir tree and later on, a tree octopus will eat everything that is in the box! Don’t you dare give it metal because that makes them brake out in a horrible rash and turn purple. And no one wants that to happen!

-The Losercorns

Care of Unique Magical Creatures II
October 25, 2009

Hey there, this is Lorkin and Lysander once again bringing you the best care for the best magical creatures. Last time we covered Heliopaths and their magical needs and such, so if you want to take that class, feel free!

Really, you don’t have to take these classes in order. You can just take whichever ones apply to you. If you live in the bottom of a pond, for example, you may not care whether or not a heliopath will eat spaghetti (they will).

Today’s class is actually a continuation of CUMC I.

(Care of Unique Magical Creatures I)

We are going to learn how to breed Heliopaths!

YAY!!!!

Now, Heliopaths are devilishly tricky to breed, mainly because unless you have a certain permit it is illegal. Now, a heliopath is a dragon’s egg that has been hatched by a rubber duck. We know it’s weird, but this is the only way to breed heliopaths. You can also get a certain breed of heliopath that is VERY VERY RARE. To do this you have to set a horselike animal on fire using phoenix flame that came from a phoenix that came from a heliopath’s flame. Confusing, right? This breed of heliopath likes to eat only mandrake leaves and roots, so make sure you have some decent gardening skills.

You can vaguely determine the character and color of the heliopath by examining the egg’s size and the duck’s coloration.

There is an extensive guide here, covoring most common variations.

COLOR
duck/heliopath

Yellow/whitish red
Blue/sort of charcoaly
Green/Dunn (Look the weird colors up in a horse reference)
Red/Palomino
Pink/Pale palomino
Black/like pitch or midnight
White/Almost yellow like a laborador
Any other solid color/Usually pure white
2 tone/use the colors above, one 4 mane and 1 4 body
tricolor/Appaloosa no matter what. (the three colors will be the duck colors)
four or more/white but changes every moon
humanlike pattern/Ranges from pale white to dark brown
Animal like pattern/hippogriff heliolpath
Camo colors/invisible heliopath
Duck has long tail/Heliopath will be like a fish horse

 

These are most of the colors.

More on the eggs next time!!!

Care of Unique Magical Creatures I
October 24, 2009

Haloo!

This is Lorkin and Lysander here today to speak about how to care for some VERY special magical creatures that are SUPER cool.

You may sadly not believe in many of these creatures, most people don’t until they meet one themselves.

OK!

This is the first class, so before we do anything, make sure you know the requirements. Ok, all you really need to use the elements in this class is a bit of good wizard schooling, but really, to use these skills well you need a bit of talent, too.

OK!

Today we are going to learn how to care for and breed Heliopaths. Yes, Heliopaths.

For those not acquainted with heliopaths, they are flame creatures a bit like large fire stallions, and they can cause forest fires and general havoc, especially for those who do not understand their nature. Heliopaths are actually very docile and sweet, but the young are very emotional and only mature at a rate of one human maturity year for every thousand years. Heoloipaths don’t die even when directly wet. The heliopaths simply lose their flame for a year. They can take on any horselike form while they are in this state, however, if kept in human custody for more than a year in this state, they get stuck and eventually die of flame loss. 

Have you ever seen a firefighter being actually PUSHED BACK by a forest fire when he sprays water at it? The reason for this is that heliopaths are very wary and worry that they could be captured in the non-flame state by someone who doesn’t recognise heliopaths, then they could die.

Now, heliopaths will eat anything, but it is best to give them a mix of cedar wood and maybe the occasional carrot, apple, or peppermint. If you want to give a heliopath something to chew on for a bit, try giving it something “heatproof”. Heliopaths like that a lot.

For, exercise, take your heliopath to an area that contains forestland that needs a bit of growth. If it needs excersise, it will run off and give the forest a refreshing flame. Just so you know, there has been a rise in the number of heliopaths that have not had enough exercise and have run into cities and fried them. One of the best examples was when Rome burned. Emperor Nero had sent his heliopath into the city, thinking that it was a big forest.That explains why it was claimed that he was fooling around while Rome burned. He thought that it was just some routine exercise.

Now, the heliopath has only been sighted a few times by photographers. This picture was actually taken by Lorkin here, but at the bottom you can clearly see what looks like some sort of running creature. 
                        ^^^^^^
                       UP THERE

As you can see, the heliopath is running about in a cloud of flame.

Heliopaths can increase in size depending on how much flame he fas put out recently.

This one is a decent size.

Well, then!

That’s about it!

Oh, also, if you get a bit of Heliopath flame and put it in a jar, it will turn into either a phoenix or a salamander, and if you officially own the phoenix or salamander for a day or more, then it will not turn back into flame, but you will have a living creature with more magiacal properties!

Class Dismissed!

Occlumency II
October 23, 2009

WORD!

ok…

Hello, class. Today We are going to learn how to boost the power of your occlumency. If you feel happy then you may be still able to use occlumency, it may even amplify your skills immensly. Negative emotions will weaken your skills. This could be a big problem.

OK! Occlumency is best partnered with a good spell used once you sort of have a focus around yourself. Most beginners would use Protego, but Protego does not protect you very well against Legilimency. Actually, It would be better to try the simples spell you know. Even if it is just a wart removing spell, it can easily confuse your foe and let you use a more advanced spell such as Levicorpus. If you are REALLY REALLY skilled at Occlumency, you might be able to BOUNCE BACK your opponent’s mindskill attempts and make them go wacko with DOUBLE intensity.

Now, Occlumency is not really a “textbook” course. You can only get better with practice. You may want to find a NICE NON-EVIL Legilimens and ask him to attempt to probe your mind so that you can practice your Occlumency and better learn about the technique.

By the way, there ary many ways to catch a legilimens off guard. For example, you could Use the Sonorus spell on yourself and then screech violently…

OK! Pack up!

HORRIBLE DISEASE!!!!!
October 22, 2009

OH NO!!!!! THERE IS A PANDEMIC SWEEPING THE GLOBE!!!!! Do you know what it is?!?!?!?!

Do you want us to tell you!?!?

It’s not swine flu!

It’s…

Boredom.

Insufferable boredom is one of the most common diseases known to mankind!!!! And one of the deadliest!

Did you know that one out of every 508,723,082,511 people dies of boredom!!!!!

And one of every 4,210 boa constrictors dies of boredom!!!!

Share those statistics with everyone you care about!

Spread awareness of the bored-ness! Save lives!

(It’s possible!)

-The Losercorns

We like to flail and publicly embarras ourselves!!! (but were not really embarrassed cuz we dont care what people think/say about us!!!))
October 18, 2009

At some random sock hop we decided that we wanted to do the Evanna Lynch (we found a video of her flailing on YouTube) (gotta love YouTube) and so we were all flailing and some idiot got a video of us flailing and he thought that that would embarrus us (BUT HE WAS WRONG!!! HORRIBLY WRONG!!! *** cackles maniaclly ***) and he claimed that he would put it on facebook, though we highly doubt that he will, becouse the person we are talking about is DRACO FREAKIN’ MALFOY (and u know Malfoy’s never keep their promises)

Him shooting a vidoe of us is what led us to come up with an AWESOME!!! idea…

A video game called “THE FINAL FLAIL” and it would be a wii game (if anyone out there reading this works for Nintendo, let us know,) and the basic idea of it woulld be that u went around to parties and dances and stuff and started flailing and then you would get points for collecting wierd stares from people and from people laughing at u, but the ways to get the most points would be:\

A. Getting someone (that u didnt know) to join u and start flailing too,

B. To get someone to take a pic of u flailing

and the wat to get the very most points is for someone to get a video of u flailing and them publicly embarrass THEMselves by not shutting up about the video and how embarrassing it is…

Like our idea???

Please comment…

Dont like our idea???

comment anyways!!!

Because as we say…

We Dont FreAKIN’ CARE ABOUT WHAT U THINK ABOUT US!!!

HA!!!

Occlumency I
October 17, 2009

Hey Everybody! We Losercorns are Really Really Really excited, because this is the FIRST LoserClass EVER! OK! Just So you know, the basic formatting is going to be on this post and the LoserClass page.  Also, you will take an Aptitude Test at the beginning of every course (ONLY THE FIRST LESSONS THOUGH!!!)

OK! any thing in brackets like this {} are actually obsolete now but we kept it so that you can see the mistakes , that you might have memorized, brackets like this [] are revisions that have been put in since the first post.

OK! LET THE LESSON BEGIN!

 

Hello class. This could be a very important day or a really pointless one. We are learning about Occlumency, but before we do you need to take this Test to make sure that you are ready for your Occlumency class.

OK!

1.Do you own or have the ability to posess a Pensieve?

2.Do you often forget things and/or get sudden flashes of unknown thoughts?

3.Do you suddenly see people die who actually are dead?

4.Do you suddenly see people die who are not actually dead?

5.Do you often feel posessed and/or wanting to bite someone?

6.Do you dream often?

7.Do you often wish that strange weird dreams would stop coming to you?

8.Have you ever looked into someone’s eyes and felt posessed.

9.Are you sometimes feeling random emotions for no good reason?

10.Have you ever had a fortune teller run away from you?

 

 

Now, If you answered NO to more than 2 questions, then you do not need to take Occlumency and trying to take Occlumency may give you a big headache.

OK!

Those who are left, let us continue!

Occlumency is a way to prevent someone from using Legilimency on you, Legilimency being the skill of reading and altering people’s minds.

OK!

To use Occlumency You must Drain your mind of all emotion. I suggest doing this before you go into states where you may have Legilimency used upon you.

That will be all today!

You homework is to practice what you have learned.

Tomorrow, take Occlumency II!

At least whan it comes out… :*

Dear Readers and Reeders
October 13, 2009

Recently there has been talk of the Losercorns emulating the something kitty thingy (our memory files are VERY patchy), especially in the okokok post. We aren’t sure what this has to do with the kitty thingy but we will attempt to look into it. If it is a case of puposeful and knowing plagiarism, then we will definitely add a footnote to the post or something to forgive for misdemeanor. Remember: plagiarism is the leading cause of the growing threat of the end of Taoist Habanero peppers.

This brings us to another interesting topic (Other than REAL baby glow-in-the-dark capuchin monkeys {YES THEY ARE REALLY REALLY REAL!!!}).

This topic is the interesting new plan to use Taoist Habanero peppers for the reeds in musical instruments that require reeds to play them. Let us all say that the use of any endangered species for pretty music is pretty darn non-eco-freindly. We losercorns have made a list of alternative solutions for this glowing problem (When Taoist Habanero peppers get spit infused with bologna on them, they glow in an iridescent gold). We hope that you read it and pass it on to your friend/s. (Note: Us Losercorns do not yet have access to the imaginary internet, so telling your imaginary friend/s is great!)

OK!

1. Use a regular reed!!!

2.Don’t use any reed!!!

3.Play the trombone instead!!!

4. Use reeds made from green quiche from the village of Yoonohoo. This quiche is attacking the native Taoist Habanero peppers!

5. Buy the reed factory “Elddir Olovram Mot” and sell it as a chicken farm online for 12 dollars.

6.Tell 10 people who you do not know well that their reed BETTER BOT BE MADE OF TAOIST HABANERO PEPPERS OR ELSE THE FLAPJACK DIES!

That’s it… YOP!