Archive for May, 2013

An Ode to the Color White
May 14, 2013

So I was mulling things over, and you know what?

I think that the color ‘starch white’ is a vastly under-appreciated color.

No, really. Think about it! When do you see the color white? If you said ‘EVERY DAY’ (capital letters and all), then congratulations! You got the correct answer!

Think about it some more. I’ll give you a moment.

Not convinced yet? Well, let me give you a list of things that are white that you are likely to use every day:

Paper (Duh!)

Lots of Clothes

Vanilla Icecream

The Background of this Blog (As of Now)

Sour Cream

Marshmallows

Togas

My Math Tutor’s Hair

Polar Bears (Which are brilliant!)

Ghosts (…Which is, to be fair, debatable…)

… Okay, so some of those aren’t things we use everyday… but they are still awesome!

So, the next time you question that white crayon in the crayon box and wonder what it could have possibly been made fore, consider all of the awesome-ness that White has to offer! (And goodness, use a piece of black paper, will you?)

Advertisements

Honorary Losercorns: Teachers
May 13, 2013

BEEP!

Please pardon the interruption — we will return to your regularly scheduled programming shortly. 

Hello! We Losercorns would like to take this break to talk about some of the most awesome people on this little rock: our teachers.

You may not notice it, but they’re always there, looking out for you. I’m certain that when you think of your memories of school, you’ll be able to remember at least seven who have changed your life. We can certainly name a few!

Whether it be your English teacher who didn’t mind when you let your imaginary friend live under her couch, or the French teacher who made you feel safe when everyone at school seemed to hate you, or the teacher who let you hide out in her room and work on your amazing blog with your fellow Losercorns simply because she appreciated your creativity. Yeah, especially that teacher.

Sure, not every teacher seems great on the surface, but as soon as you look a little deeper, you’ll find something to appreciate. This has happened for us several times…

Think about this: You’re starting your school’s Algebra course with nothing but horror stories from the upperclassmen about the entire math department. You’re terrified, and you’ve given up on learning anything before you’ve even entered the classroom.

Then, a little birdie tells you that the man who will soon be your teacher taught your real-life actual hero when he was a kid. Maybe he’s not so bad after all? Oh yeah, and that if you treat this teacher with respect, in the way that you would want to be treated, he’s actually pretty great! Whaaaat? This man is a real life human being? Cool!

So, you can learn a lot more from a person if you actually listen to them instead of just basing your judgement off of what some other kid said.

Not sold yet? Have you met your teachers, and you still think they’re Suckish Losercorns? Fair enough. But just hear us out on one more.

Ever heard of a Sea Cucumber named Barb? If you’ve been reading our blog for more than five minutes, you probably have. Let it be said that even though her methods may have clashed with the Losercorns (numerous) times, we bear her no ill will.

“Why not?” You may ask.

Well first of all, because her programs led us to meet each other and gain our lovely name of Losercorns, but also because she spent time trying to teach us. It takes a lot of effort to band together fifty scraggly kids and teach them how to be musicians, but she did it. And for that, we thank her. So even though she was strict at times, and some things that she did still don’t really make sense, we appreciate her.

Do you appreciate your teachers? Think about it. It’ll make you school life so much easier if you do.

And, welcome back to this week’s episode of Pteenage Pterodactl! Get ready to watch normal high school students Pterrence Pterodactl and Stacey Stegosaurus put on miserable costumes and wigs as they become…

Dinosaurs!

Fighting crime!

I bet you didn’t see that coming, did you?

-The Losecorns

The Diary of Nine Wimpy Kids
May 13, 2013

Hey. We’re back. Again. *Jazz Hands* 

So, it’s been a while…

How’ve you been?

How about that Duck Dynasty?

Twitter?

The Harlem Shake?

#SWAG?

All of that stuff that happened during the eons since our last post?

Yeah. We won’t be doing any of that stuff here. Don’t worry. Same, weird, old, fabulous us.

.

..

..

.

It has come to our attention that we have posted nearly everything about Losercorn culture, society, and humor, as a whole, but never once have we dared brush the dust off the cover of the massive expanse of illustrious text that is our history.

So. Let’s start.

Many moons ago, in a forest at the bottom of the ocean, there resided a sea cucumber by the name of Barb. She lived all alone, with only her ratty overalls, hot chocolate, and musk-ls to keep her company.

One day, she came across a tribe of wandering young seahorses grazing on her lawn. “Get off my lawn, you crazy fillies!” She said. She was determined to teach them the proper ways of society and end their hooligan nature, so she announced herself as their music teacher. 

“Perfect Practice Makes Perfect Performance,” she would say, as she made them rue the day that they were born.

They did practice, but not perfectly, because that’s unrealistic.

The poor sea cucumber did not realize this, however, and she drilled onward with her iron fronds. Finally, the young seahorses had had enough. Barb realized that her hold over them was slipping, and she began to take desperate measures to maintain her control.

During one of the torturous dances that she forced them to perform, they recognized the pure ridiculousness of her choreography. They began to giggle. They reared their manes in joy and watched as bubbles of air fled their mouths and escaped to the surface of the sea.

Barb couldn’t understand why they were laughing — no one could. And it didn’t matter, because they were happy.

A soft, white light enveloped the young seahorses. It vanished, leaving them transformed. Their manes flowed with every color of the rainbow, and their scales shined in a beautiful shade of shockeldiff. On each of their foreheads, there rested a glittering horn in the shape of an “L”.

Author’s Note: Some historians have compared this unique marking to the “Loser” symbol made with the hand of a Suckish Losercorn.

The young seahorses took this knowledge with a grain of sea salt, and they began calling themselves the “Losercorns”. 

The Losercorns officially leveled up, and gained the skill: [[Humor]]. It cost them [[Three Character Points]], but it was worth it. They used this skill, the only one that they had, to defeat the mundane creatures of Earth, Water, Wind, and Fire.

Through their endeavors, they began to see that the world was a much brighter place than they had initially realized. They learned that even though there will always be Suckish Losercorns and Sea Cucumbers Named Barb and lots of other terrible things out there, they don’t have to control you. 

As you may have noticed, this text seems to be written in a vibrant, yet shadowy red. This is no coincidence — yes, the entire book was written in the blood of our ancestors. Don’t worry, we obtained it only after they were dead.

With that, we leave you with this stupid quote, straight from our editing tomb: 

“That’s too orange!”

“Your mom’s too orange!”

“Jersey Shore is too orange!”

-The Losercorns